Jimbo paused for a moment. He stood up, did a couple of deep knee bends, and then got down on the ground and did 20 push-ups. This was followed by another few moments in which he flexed his muscles and admired himself. Cable quickly grew impatient. “So what happened next?” he asked.
“Hey, mate, before I go on, would you like a spot of tea (teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaa)?” Jimbo responded.
“No!” declared Cable, who was getting irritated with Jimbo’s idiosyncrasies. But he quickly caught himself and said, “Uh...I’m sorry, Jimbo. I mean, no thank you. I’m not all that fond of tea.”
“Well, that’s a good thing,” Jimbo replied, “because I don’t have any tea. That’s probably because I don’t like it, either. Now, where was I before you interrupted me?”
Cable shook his head. “You said that some guy with a patch on his eye had captured your brother, and another guy with a crooked jaw was asking if you’d join his army of black knights. And I’m sure that the man with the crooked jaw was Dor-ko!”
Jimbo nodded. “You’ve got it, mate. Of course, he didn’t formally introduce himself or anything. He didn’t bow and say, ‘Hello, me name is Dor-ko. Pleasure to meet you.’ I just sort of found out his name from others. But anyway, yes...my brother was bound and a knife was at his throat. I looked at his eyes, and they were filled with a wild fear that I’d never seen before. As I’ve said, he always was a mama’s boy who wasn’t real crazy about hard work. He just hated to get dirt under his fingernails, you see.” Jimbo then paused to hold up his hands in order to scrutinize his own fingernails. After nodding in admiration of the mounds of dirt that had accumulated under his own nails, he went on. “So I said I’d go along. Dor-ko told his buddy to go ahead and tie me up also. Well, as soon as the chap with the patch on his eye same close, I slugged him with an uppercut to his dainty little chin that sent him flying three feet in the air. ‘I’ll go, but you won’t touch me, and you’d better untie me little brother,’ I told the miserable chump. To my surprise, Dor-ko just smiled. ‘You’ll do just fine,’ he said. Then he untied my brother himself, and we followed him down a path to where four horses had been positioned. We mounted the horses and followed Dor-ko through the woods. Me brother and I had just been enlisted in Dor-ko’s army of black knights.
“I won’t bore you too much about life as a black knight. But let me tell you--if it weren’t for my little brother, I’d have been in deep (deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep) trouble. You see, I didn’t know anything about being organized or following orders or cleaning weapons or being on time or any of the foolishness that goes into be a soldier. But I just stuck close to my brother, and he helped me with all that stuff. As a kid, he had always been worried about not being out too late and about keeping his room nice and neat and about eating all his vegetables. It drove me crazy just watching him. But now that we were in the army, those annoying traits actually came in kind of handy. I just stayed close to him, and he kept me pointed in the right direction.
“Of course, I helped him out, too. He didn’t know anything about surviving in the woods, he couldn't’ build a lean-to, and he had no idea about how to fight. Basically, he was kind of a wimp. So I helped toughen him up. I even taught him me favorite trick of all--how to lure a squirrel with a piece of bread, and then clobber him with a stick and fry him up for supper. It’s a little stringy and a little tough, but it beats vegetables any day. Plus, any time you can rid the world of one squirrel, well--as far as I’m concerned, you’re doing our lovely planet a favor.
“But Cable, let me tell you something...over time, I actually stopped hating life with the black knights. A lot of time, I went with Dor-ko and a group of knights on raids. We’d go to small villages and simply burn them to the ground. If the men stuck around, we’d fight them and slaughter them. But almost always, the villages were empty when we arrived. Somehow they’d find out we were coming and disappear into the woods. But the problem was, I kind of enjoyed these little conquests. I felt like no one could stop us, like we were the most powerful army in the world. If someone wanted to fight, I enjoyed beating them to pieces. If they ran away, I enjoyed destroying their houses. My hear, you see, was growing hard.”
At this point, Jimbo stood up and reached for a walking stick that was leaning against the edge of the tee-pee. Handing it to Cable, he said, “Feel this.”
Cable felt it.
“Does it feel hard?” Jimbo asked.
Cable nodded.
“Well, try and bite it,” Jimbo said.
“Bite it?” asked Cable with confusion in his voice.
“Yes, mate, bite it!” commanded Jimbo. “Bite it like it’s a piece of nice and tender deermeat that you’ve been waiting all day to eat!”
Cable reluctantly wrapped his teeth around the stick and tried to bite it.
“Tell me, is it hard?” Jimbo asked.
“It’s a hard as a brick,” Cable replied, handing the stick back to Jimbo. “I don’t think I’ve bit a harder stick in all my life.”
“Well let me tell you something,” said Jimbo. He then proceeded to take the stick in his hands and break it over his knee. An ear-splitting crack! filled the air. After Cable shook his head and recovered from the sudden and unexpected noise, Jimbo held the two broken fragments in the air. “Cable, the hardness of this stick was nothing compared to the hardness of my heart! I came to think of nothing else except myself. I enjoyed hurting others, because it just made me feel more powerful. I felt like I was unstoppable. In fact, I was so good and so destructive, Dor-ko just started sending me out on raids. He no longer needed to lead the way. He turned his raiding parties over to me. And I loved it.
“One day, Dor-ko sent me to a small village in a remote part of Aberdeen, way out in the foothills of the Jagged Mountains. He said this village was filled with people that were still loyal to King Maximilian, and that we needed to destroy it. He seemed to think it might be the last stronghold of resistance that was left in the kingdom. I thanked him for the privilege, and I said he could trust me to utterly destroy the place. I gathered together a band of about 100 knights, including me little brother, and I struck off.
“It took a couple of days to get there, but that just filled my appetite for battle. When we arrived, I was delighted to see that the men of the village were already lined up in battle array. They had heard we were coming, it would seem. I loved it. Finally, someone was prepared to challenge us! I called a halt to our band of knights and stepped forward. I declared, ‘Men, I salute you! You are not cowards, which I admire greatly! But unfortunately for you, it means that your lives will be considerably shorter. Prepare to fight, and prepare to die!’ The black knights behind me jeered and cheered as I spoke.
“Well, to my surprise, some chap from the enemy steps forward. He was the most average-looking bloke I’d ever seen. He was a little shorter than me, he didn’t have muscles like me, and he wasn’t particularly handsome, nor homely. He was just a regular guy. And he said, ‘We ask for no mercy. We simply propose a man-to-man combat. It will be your best man against ours. If your man wins, we will all lay down our arms in surrender. If our man wins, you lay down your arms and flee for your lives. Do you accept this challenge?’
“I was somewhat surprised, but I kind of relished the challenge. Before answering, I asked, ‘Who is your champion? Let me see the foolish chap.’
“The average-looking man replied, ‘You are looking at him. It is I.’
“I replied, ‘Then you’d better take a couple of minutes and write your little wifey a good-bye note, because I’m about to put an end to your miserable, rebellious, pathetic little existence!’ Oh, I was bold and brash and rude. In fact, I was insulted that this chap even thought he’d stand a chance against me. I drew my sword and declared, ‘Let’s begin!’
“The soldiers from each army formed a great circle--the black knights on one side, the villagers on the other side. We dueled in the midst of the circle. I immediately went on the attack, thinking that I’d drive my sword through the heart of this chap and put a quick end to his misery. But I was mistaken. He stepped to the side and parried away my thrust. He then made a counterattack of his own. This little fellow had the audacity to attack me! I was caught a bit off guard, and he struck me in my shoulder. But to mide my surprise, I declared, ‘Oh, methinks I’ve been bitten by a mosquito!’ The other black knights laughed at my dumb little joke. I regained my feet and the battle continued.
“Well, Cable, this duel was not the quick affair that I thought it would be. We went on and on and on. From time to time, the other chap asked me if I wanted to pause for a drink. I politely refused each time. Of course, I was dying of thirst. But I thought this bloke was on the verge of collapse, and I didn’t want to give him a chance to catch his breath and extend the battle. So we fought on. We must have spent a full hour, pirouetting around the circle, probing for weak spots, attacking, defending, countering. It was the most exhilarating combat I’d ever been a part of.
“As the combat wore on, I could see my opponent weakening. I pressed the attack, and he spent more time dodging then he did countering. I was exhausted myself, but I knew he had little strength left. Finally, with one last burst of strength, I attacked and knocked the sword from out of his hand. It went flying through the air, and it landed a few feet away, the point in the ground. The village champion fell to the ground. I’d opened up a great gash on his arm, and blood started soaking his garments. The black knights cheered and started chanting, ‘Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!’ I moved forward, prepared to sever the brave but fallen champion’s head from his body.
“But then something unexpected happened. A voice behind me said, ‘Wait! Oh champion of the black knights, I plead for you to wait!’ He then knelt, bowed his head down and exposed his neck. ‘Please, spare the young man and take my head instead,’ he declared. ‘The young man has a family, and I have none. I beg of you, let him live; slay me in his place.’
“As I pondered this, I looked around and saw that every one of the villagers had followed his lead. They all knelt, bowed down, and exposed their necks. Cries of ‘Spare him and kill me instead!’ filled the air.
“I was stunned. I had never seen anything like this. Who had ever heard of a man offering up his life for a friend? I couldn’t understand it. I’d heard about friendship and love and that sort of thing when I was growing up, but such affections weren’t a part of life with the black knights. In our world, it was every man for himself. If someone died, it was just a chance for someone else to move up. I was stunned by this display of loyalty. For just a moment, I was paralyzed with indecision.
“Then this young voice fills the air. It said simply, ‘Daddy!’ And a young little whelp, about 4 years of age, came running toward the circle. The villagers made an opening for the little chap. When he reached the circle, he abruptly stopped and cried out again, ‘Oh, Daddy!’
“That little fellow was about to change everything.”
Sunday, June 12, 2011
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