The Redtape Letters - Chapter 2

The Redtape Letters - Chapter 2

Freedom

To my dear, deluded step-nephew Screwball-

I have just heard about the ill-advised debate between you and your vile Republican opponent.  You dolt!  Before you rush off to engage in such direct encounters with the enemy, I insist that you arm yourself with my great Liberal wisdom!

In that debate, your fiendish foe started to wax eloquently about "freedom".  He spewed out lofty platitudes concerning the importance of removing the shackles of government so that people are free to pursue their dreams of success.  It is the same Republican tripe that we heard a generation ago under the leadership of Ronald McDonald...er, Reagan.

That was when you made your mistake.  Without thinking, you declared, "But if we give people freedom, they might fail!"  You bonehead--you are dangerous when you think, but you are absolutely dreadful when you don't think!

Of course, you are right--freedom inevitably leads to failure for many people.  The problem is, we can't say that!  Moreover, the people that fail will most likely be the people that we want to have voting for us.  So we must not offend them.

The correct thing to say is this: "We liberals believe in freedom, too!"  And that is the absolute truth.  The difference is how we liberals define freedom.  For us, true freedom is freedom from consequences.  For you see, our hearts' desire is to allow people to behave however they want to, shielded by big government from the consequences of their actions.

For example, we want people to be able to sleep and party their way through higher education, yet still be granted a degree that honors their self esteem.  We want people to relax if they don't have a job--they don't need to be ambitious, for Big Government shall protect and provide.  If people live promiscuously, as those in Hollywood love to glamorize, well...we can thank the Supreme Court for establishing a "constitutional" basis for dealing with the consequences of that lifestyle.  You see, Screwball, we shall stay in power for many eons if we can just convince the masses that they need us to shield them from their own behavior.

In our enlightened view, the only action that should have a consequence is success.  Those that are successful should face a grave consequence--taxation.

So, my dear Screwball, don't make the mistake of condemning freedom.  Americans love freedom, so you must love it as well!  You simply must re-define it.  We shall deal further with such verbal nuances in future letters.

Your affectionate step-uncle,
Redtape